You ever have a train wreck with a friend or significant other? Where you realize communication has just plain broken down, and you're both on different islands hoping floating bottles, carrier pigeons or something will carry your message to them and make it make sense?
Yeah. It happens. Stuff gets triggered or you're having a bad day or whatever and it just happens sometimes
Now, with my hubby, we've devised a system. See, in the past, we used to try and try and try to figure out every little bit of confusion. We had to talk it out, and reconnect, and we wouldn't stop until we did. Dammit.
Which would make a little thing into a big thing into a mile long train wreck of misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
Finally, we stopped. We came up with magic words that we pull out in emergency situations.
Basically this is code for, "Ugh! I really love you, gotten kinda tangled up here and I know something happened, but there isn't a clear line from here to there, and there may never be. I hope you'll forgive me, I forgive you already."
See a little of the Ho'oponopono in there? :)
If you're not in the know, Ho'oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian tradition used for forgiveness. It's a mantra prayer of sorts, and you say it to yourself.
I love you
Please forgive me
I forgive you
More on that here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ho'oponopono
Aaaanyway - my hubby and I have now gotten to a point where we can see the trainwreck tangle of misunderstanding coming a mile away.
When one of us is aware in the moment, conscious enough to see it instead of just walk right into it, we hold up a hand and smile kindly (or just shrug and sigh as the case may be) and say,
Sometimes we go on ahead and face the wreck head on anyway. But more often than not there'll be an internal sense of 'Oh' as the self check of 'can I let this go, too?' fires off...and we move on.