"It Happened..."

You ever have a train wreck with a friend or significant other? Where you realize communication has just plain broken down, and you're both on different islands hoping floating bottles, carrier pigeons or something will carry your message to them and make it make sense?

Yeah. It happens. Stuff gets triggered or you're having a bad day or whatever and it just happens sometimes

Now, with my hubby, we've devised a system. See, in the past, we used to try and try and try to figure out every little bit of confusion. We had to talk it out, and reconnect, and we wouldn't stop until we did. Dammit.

Which would make a little thing into a big thing into a mile long train wreck of misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

Finally, we stopped. We came up with magic words that we pull out in emergency situations.

"It happened..."

Basically this is code for, "Ugh! I really love you, gotten kinda tangled up here and I know something happened, but there isn't a clear line from here to there, and there may never be. I hope you'll forgive me, I forgive you already."

See a little of the Ho'oponopono in there? :)

If you're not in the know, Ho'oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian tradition used for forgiveness. It's a mantra prayer of sorts, and you say it to yourself.


I love you
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
I forgive you
Thank you

More on that here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ho'oponopono

Aaaanyway - my hubby and I have now gotten to a point where we can see the trainwreck tangle of misunderstanding coming a mile away.

When one of us is aware in the moment, conscious enough to see it instead of just walk right into it, we hold up a hand and smile kindly (or just shrug and sigh as the case may be) and say,

"It happened..."

Sometimes we go on ahead and face the wreck head on anyway. But more often than not there'll be an internal sense of 'Oh' as the self check of 'can I let this go, too?' fires off...and we move on.

Zen at the Dentist

So, I had to go to the dentist and get some fillings done the other day. There I found myself, in The Chair, leaned back under the glaring lights with the Implements of Pain perched on a convient little tray next to me.

And the main dentist and her helper dentist (forgive me, I'm sure there's official names for these people, but you know what I mean) were talking to each other over my head as they put the Jaw Keep Opener in my mouth.

They weren't having a happy conversation - something about a boyfriend and potential cheating and car repair. Random 'we work together all day' stuff.

I didn't like this.

I decided, you know, I don't have to be here for this. I can go to my own little happy place. And who knows, maybe they'll even come with me!

So there in the chair as they started prying my jaws apart, I tried to relax and began repeating the loving kindness mantra in my head. (more about that, here http://www.mettainstitute.org/mettameditation.html)

May I be happy.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be loved.

After a while, I graduated to pointing the mantra at Dentist #1 and #2 along with myself.

May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be loved.

As they did the local anesthetic shots and then drilling, I kept it up, relaxing my tensed up body over and over and over.

And wouldn't you know it? I felt better. I mean, I really felt good! There was something about the extreme focus created by going through something uncomfortable that really helped me realize when I was losing focus...

And! Their conversation eventually shifted as well to talking about the good things in their life.

By the end they were treating me like an old friend, big smiles on their faces and everything - and I realized I had one, too. After getting 4 fillings and not able to even feel my lips or nose, I was happy.

Awesome! :)

#1 Way to Let Stuff Go...


...stop talking about it as if its yours :)

Talking about it in your head helps it remain here. And talking about it with other people is the #1 way to make sure icky stuff sticks around! You claim it as yours by voicing it into your world.

Choose Your Partners

Now, there is a time to talk about things - that's when you don't understand what's going on, or you're ready to do something about it.

The people you talk to in your life are your partners in creation. What do you talk to them about? Is it uplifting and insightful? Thought provoking - or a hamster wheel of the Constant Complaints back and forth?

This is your power - the power of focus, of choice. You actually get to choose, and it starts with the small, daily things.

Live Where You Want - In Your Mind, First

Where you dwell in your mind is where you dwell in your life - perception doesn't really know the difference.

So where have you been spending your time, lately? Where will you choose to spend your time, next? :)